Optimistically Pessimistic Of Improvement

Hi everyone.

Remember me?

Weird being back I must say.

It’s been a long long time.

I’m still yet to tell you all about my walk for charity, show you the pictures and tell you all about my blisters.

But before that, I thought I might just start by saying hello and apologising for not having been around for so long.

I’ve neglected the very people that had given me a welcome for so much of my weight loss adventure, and for that I am truly sorry.

It’s amazing really. To my mind nothing has changed in the past 18 months but that is because I have lived each day and don’t recognise the change, therefore it must be nigh on impossible to quantify the massive changes that have actually taken place.

During my blogging hiatus, I have been drunk and sober, happy and sad, lonely and content, busy and quiet, fit and sloth like. I have made friends and lost friends, I have have been broken and repaired, I have let people down and I have helped people out but over all, during this time where I was living and making my mistakes I have been ignorant of the opportunity I have been given and I have slowly let bad habits creep back in.

As many of you know I underwent my surgery on the 13th March 2015. After this momentous day I started to lose weight, and I lost a great deal of it, nearly 10 stone,

However, as they say, what goes up must come down therefore what comes off can go back on.

I was hoping to get down to the lowly numbers of 14st (196lbs) but I seemed to stall at around 17st (238lbs) yet I still did look good even if I say so myself.

Then slowly but surely, I started to fall back into old ways. I walked a great deal so ate as I needed the energy. I still ate sensibly but what was with the drinking? Yes I was always a big drinker but it was sociable and never at home. Now it was a time when I was happy to sit at home and self medicate with alcohol.

I once wrote a piece An Addictive Personality which discussed the fact that after Gastric Surgery, people were more prone to alcohol addiction. At the time I thought it possible but rather unlikely as those of us who were lucky enough to have our surgery were surely obsessed with our health and losing weight. Well now I see it as a very plausible and easy path to walk down.

In the past I was overweight and desperately unhappy but I knew where I was. I knew who I was and what was expected of me. If I was unhappy, I would stay at home for a few days and eat junk food. I would come out of it and I would have dealt with the issue. Now If I am unhappy, I can no longer do this. People have expectations of me. People expect me to turn up to work for them. People expect me to be competent and capable of the work load that is thrust upon me on a daily basis.

I should not moan about this. After all, it is my business and I am the benefactor of my hard work. It is simply that in the past I would have hidden away from the world and eaten. Now that option is no longer available, alcohol is the medication of choice and alcohol in the wrong hands makes a very volatile cocktail……

Unfortunately, this becomes a double whammy because not only does the alcohol abuse lead to lethargy and apathy, it is also loaded with equal amounts of sugar and calories as the junk food I used to choose in my days gone by.

However, I am happy that I have identified this issue and I have identified that the driving force behind it (stress) can be relieved by allowing time for myself in the form of cycling or running (yes running – in May of this year I ran a 7k fun run)


I shall return to the gym, I shall restart my membership to the boxing club and I shall make a determined effort to start to look after myself.

I had forgotten the cathartic nature of blogging (well, writing in general) It allows us to get things off of our chests, allows us to work through issues and always get feedback from likeminded people of sensible dispositions.

Here’s hoping things can change back before it all goes south and all of my previous hard work and achievements go out of the window. Don’t worry guys I have only put on about 11kgs (22lbs) so am no where near any size that I was but it is a sure fire wake up call that I need to start putting my health (both physical and mental) at the forefront of my daily life and through this action, my work ethic will prove along with so many elements of my every day existence.

Wish me luck.

I need to get back to where I was and take it all further. I am 50 in march next year and I plan on rewarding myself with some fine physical health and mental clarity, the likes of which I have not known for many years.

As I say, I am nearly 50 so maybe its time that I started behaving like it…..

Maybe there will be more pieces of prose that start with the ubiquitous “Good Morning World and thanks for tuning in to another day here on Planet Magnet” I would like to think so but not maybe as often or prolific as they once were. Maybe we should take each day a step at a time and if I feel the need to share then you will surely find my thoughts and dreams, hopes and fears once again laid bare for all to read.

After all, it was sharing with you guys that helped me along the way when I was in those most difficult of days trying to lose weight and trying to adjust post surgery.

It appears that those days may once be back with me and I know that I am going to need to get as much help as I can, so it is without shame that I once again turn to the family that welcomes opened armed and without quarter.

Merry Christmas everybody and to hell with staying out of the fridge….


12 thoughts on “Optimistically Pessimistic Of Improvement

  1. ladyhawktravels says:

    Hi Cam… Sad to read this but I am 100% behind you in your second reinvention. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 17th November… So you can follow my blog and we will support each other. Life is tough there is no doubt about it! Stay strong. Catch up soon. Jane x ladyhawktravels.blog

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Peter's pondering says:

    I’m so glad to see you back Cameron. We’ve missed you.
    I’m sure you will be back on track again very soon, but don’t ever believe that, because you are soon to be 50, you have to start behaving like 50. Load of tosh that is. Behave as you will, so long as it does not hurt you, or others, and there we are, back to getting back on track!

    Hope you have a relaxing, and joyous Christmas, and I look forward to reading all about the missing months.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. New Journey says:

    Welcome back, your still doing great…22#’s, you will have that off before you can shake your head fast!! I know your sitting there shaking your head….LOL so happy to know your still around. I have thought of you and was wondering how you were doing, sounds like you were doing like the rest of us, trying to figure it all out. I a turning 61 in just a week and have been struggling for years with my weight, but really aware of how important it is to get in some sort of better health over the last decade….I am glad your back, you have friends and followers on here that care for you. I hope your having a lovely holiday season. I hope this finds your family and your little four legged pal is doing well. Glad your back….blogging really is helpful…XXkat

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Osyth says:

    The circle of life can mean the big circle of birth, death, more birth but it can also mean our own little circles – the ones we live. Some of us (hear me, us) DO have addictive personalities and that is how we are made. In that case we have to do things that counteract the bad addictions. The black dog is often to blame – surely is in your case. It’s Christmas Day. I am taking a break from some frantically partying old folks (seriously – this is how I have chosen to spend Christmas and I’m loving it) and I want to bid you welcome back. We are well linked you and I – here, FaceBook, real life which means our paths can cross properly again when I’m Blighty side next. You will get SO much support and love and respect and zero judging in this place. So let’s get on with it. Rule one – don’t think you have to blog every day unless you want to. Rule two – interact with your friends …. they all want the best for you and will be there every step be it the quickstep the slow march or the turkey trot. Rule three – just be you …. you have already proved that you is a really delightful and loved man. Rule four – do as I say, I have special powers and I will help you. Rule five. Rule five is yours to make up. I send you so much love from France, Batman. . Trunch xx

    Liked by 3 people

  5. toutparmoi says:

    Yes, I do remember you. Many of us bloggers (as Osyth said, hear “us”) have to front up to our personal demons, and I’m happy to see (via Pete’s Ponderings) that you’re still out there and fronting up to yours. All good wishes for the New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

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