Good morning world and thanks for tuning in to another day here on Planet Magnet!
It is Easter Sunday!
Relax and take a load off!
Unless of course you are in the frame for providing the big lunch and get together for everyone else…
No, if that’s the case, start panicking and get the stress head ready because after all, when the shops are closed, it is the very day you actually need something….. 😉
As for me, I have been invited to a friends for lunch. I have not met any of the other people going so as ever my anxiety is getting a little unwelcome outing but I shall try to keep that at bay, put my head above the parapet and get on with it.
What is strange is that now matter how far I feel I have come over the past year, at the drop of a hat (or invite to be precise) I can still feel like this.
But it is anxious over the silliest of things.
I start off relaxed and at ease, then I count the time down to when I am due to be leaving and things start to change. My breathing becomes not difficult per-Se, but noticeably different to me and that is when the palpitations raise their ugly little heads. I then begin to feel almost ill at ease and have to discuss these feelings with myself, trying to relax and rationalise the fact that there should be no reason for me to feel like this.
In fact, as I sit here writing this my heart is beating quicker, my breathing noticeably different and yet I cannot fathom why because there is nothing to fear.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
That was from Frank Herbert’s Dune. I know it is a little extreme but it sums up on different levels how I feel. Today is a very mild case of anxiety due to irrational fear. Other times it is a huge case of anxiety and regardless of how silly or irrational it may seem to another, the above is how I feel.
What I struggle to understand is why I exhibit these irrational feelings when I am going to places of warmth, love and friendship. If I am faced with a very real situation where I could possibly be harmed, I do not even consider the emotion of fear. Fear has no place then. Fear is a pointless emotion because it will only serve to weaken me. Now, in all fairness that type of situation never really happens anymore and of that I am truly glad, but it is weird why it should have me feel like my heart is in my mouth when I am faced with nothing but welcome, yet feel nothing when I am faced with a serious situation….
Anyway, today I shall do my very best to deal with these feelings, I shall get myself over the threshold of awkwardness and I shall try to relax even if I am still not indulging in the worlds number one relaxant, good old alcohol. I shall be smiling and chipper and it will soon become second nature to be a happy and relaxed Magnet.
Besides, I want to be there as my best pal is there too and that is what makes it all worth while… 🙂
So I leave you guys today with wishes of a very Happy Easter and I hope you enjoy your day whatever it is you decide to do.
Stay out of the fridge.