Learning To Be Happy On The Tenth Day Of Christmas….

On the Tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…
Ten Lords a Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Gold Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear tree.

Well its all over now isn’t it!

Our final day of freedom has arrived.

The holidays are over and the New Year of 2016 must officially begin. Well, maybe after one last throw of the dice I suppose. Today is the day to get things done. The day that you hoped would never come but the day you need to get the house in order or to get the clothes washed and ironed and the last of the chores sorted before the mayhem of live starts once again and you start living by your resolutions (if you were sensible/daft enough to make any….)

Back to work/life tomorrow so I hope you enjoyed every minute of your time off. I trust you made good decisions and that you welcomed those who needed to be welcomed, cared for those who needed caring and shared with and spoiled those who needed spoiling.

I know I did and it made me feel good about myself. I do wonder if that sounds a bit selfish really. Doing things for others to make me feel better about myself? I know the person I did all of the special things for appreciated them, I know they also appreciated all of my hard work to help get their house in order in time for their Christmas and beyond.

To be fair, I enjoyed the melee of time constraints, I enjoyed the team work of making things happen and I enjoyed the results of seeing them smile. It is over now though and I am no longer kept warm by that “wanted/needed feeling”. So if I enjoyed it so much, why do I now feel as flat as a pancake? Time moves on, things change, myself and said other person have other things to do and other people to see which is only sensible given the time of year and the fact we are both popular people.
But if I know this is the case, why after I have helped make someone else so happy, am I numb to all of the feelings they are experiencing.
Do I feel as though I have been cheated? No.
Do I feel as though I have been passed over? No.
So, there are no real explanations as to why I feel so flat. Why I feel like I am treading water all of the time and as much as I try to be pro-active and make a difference to myself, I find that the “myself” I want to make a difference to can nearly always be intrinsically linked to being with another person.
It makes no sense. I was once very happy with my own company and could fend off any kind of thoughts of loneliness with a a good bit of TV watching, some fast food or some booze. Now though, those things are no longer an option and as much as I watch TV, I am never really that happy doing so on my own.

Is it because I have been given a glimpse of what I know I would like, but now it is no longer there? I know would like the staying in and watching TV with occasional trips out. I know I want to spend my time sharing and doing with another but I must be aware that any “other” will have other things to do and other people to see and why not? It is their life to do with as they please, their choices to make who they spend their time with at their own leisure and I should never try to influence it because that would not be fair.
So if I understand all of this, why is it I feel this way? What do I dislike my own company now that I am so much happier in my new body, so much more active in my new life (well usually I am…colds and coughs not withstanding… 😦 ) Why does my heart yearn for something of which it has only seen a glimpse? Interfering with someone else’s life to simply justify ones own happiness would end up making me equally as unhappy.
I can only assume that because I no longer have an escape from these feelings, I must actually deal with them.
But where do I start as I am totally new to dealing with such thoughts and feelings. I am totally unprepared to deal with how I deal with anything that makes me feel sub par, now that I can no longer eat or drink my way out of it.
I need to learn that any one person does not define me. I must learn that I am a valuable person and not a by product of someone else’s needs or requirements no matter how much I like them OR being in their company. However, I know this will take me a goodly length of time as I have no idea where to start or how to deal with any of it at all. I suppose that is why I am like I am, why I was like I was but NOT how I will be in the future.

I apologise because I understand this kind of sounds like I am airing my dirty laundry in public and that I am moaning at the expense of another but in truth, that would not be a fair assumption to make. I simply use this example of my current thoughts because I know there are many others out there who feel like this because it is the way I have felt for years and have never known any different, so if it is like this for me, then it will be like this for some other of you too.
We all need to break the cycle of needing another to define us because as I say, those others have a life they want to lead and cannot be held back by our needs. We should learn to be self sufficient and get on with our lives, learn to think a touch more selfishly and learn to put ourselves first because in reality, that is all other people do. It doesn’t make them (or us) nasty or selfish, it simply makes us get on with what WE want to do and that is NO bad thing.

Or at least I am hoping that is what it is all about because if not, then I can’t for the life of me fathom any other explanation.

‘Till tomorrow,

Stay out of the fridge.

 

23 thoughts on “Learning To Be Happy On The Tenth Day Of Christmas….

  1. merewoman says:

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I’ve heard from quite a few friends that they have that ‘flat’ feeling, and I wonder if it’s due to the huge hype building up to a new year, when there’s an implication that after the stroke of midnight everything will change? Followed by the realisation next day that actually, nothing has except the date. Maybe it leads us into unrealistic expectations.

    I have a belief that being ill every so often is a good thing, as it reminds us just how lucky we are to be healthy most of the time. And equally, having bad times makes us better appreciate the good times.

    I hope you soon get back on track again. If you sit down and consider what you have achieved over the last year in all the different aspects of your life, surely that will revive your spirits. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

      Thank you for your reply. I suppose I was feeling a bit flat when I wrote this but am honestly much brighter now.
      I write with a little more angst than I feel so I can get the message across for anyone reading so I suppose there may be considered an element of artistic licence….
      Anyway, I am good an I appreciate you asking. I know that this year of 2016 is personally going to be a great one where all of my hopes are realised simply because I have achieved so much last year and it can only continue to be going in that direction.
      With that knowledge I am sure I will make the most positive of years my own.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. sleeveforme22 says:

    You are well on your way to dealing with these new emotions successfully. I think just recognizing them and not responding via food is the hardest step. Yes, you need to be happy with YOU. You deserve that!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jncthedc says:

    This is more common than you may realize. Doing for others keeps you busy and creates an environment where you share your life (even if it is only temporary) with another; a type of uncommitted relationship. Weight loss doesn’t affect this personal emotional need. It truly sounds like you would like a meaningfully committed relationship which is very understandable. As you continue to volunteer your time, maintain your health by attending the gym, share your personal story of weight loss through local organizations you will expose yourself to more people that will find your traits attractive.
    Often, people try too hard to lose weight and go about it using radical methods that lead to failure. We have a tendency to approach the social arena using these same radical methods to develop relationships. When we relax, sit back and focus on ALL the positive aspects of life and live each day finding great joy in what we do, lightening strikes and produces an environment where the right person is found. Without seeking this person (and working so hard to make it happen) it naturally occurs. Patience is a difficult concept. Those who willing to accept fate and the unknown time it takes to occur often find great fulfillment.
    I hope this perspective helps you find solace in your current situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

      Thank you Doc. You are very kind to write such words of encouragement. I do know that one day the right person will be out there for sure and that one will make my heart swell each time I see her. I am beginning to understand that my impatience is probably the root of my evil when it comes to this because I am relaxed on pretty much all other matters and let time take its way as I wend myself to my conclusions. If it is out of the blue then that is great and even better with the lightening bolt so fingers crossed as you say and as I continue to put myself in the new arena which is growing everyday then the chances should improve exponentially….!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lynz Real Cooking says:

    Cameron, big life changes and yes without food or drink then you are having to face up to lots of stuff! I am glad you are telling us it is not airing dirty laundry as I think we are all friends! I kept off the weight I had lost for about 3 years, this past year was bad for us and I realized I turned back to FOOD! I do not drink and if I did wow it would not be good! so, it will take you time to think and accept yourself and to love yourself. I feel it is now happening with me and I am having to stop over eating and start using other tools! You will get through this, sorry you are down! Keep going and exercising and losing weight and keep seeing you are very special and deserve happiness!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. chattykerry says:

    I am always flat after the holiday season. It is just so much hard work being ‘on’ and misinterpreting meaningless comments. Food certainly satiated many of my stresses and desires and that is why it is so much harder for me now that I am slim. It’s just my body that was fixed not my brain. You will feel more normal when you get back into a routine. K x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. New Journey says:

    For me there is always that let down when, a job, or helping someone with a project that has kept you mind and body busy for days and then poof its over….the feeling of emptiness that overcomes sometimes feels like a heavy weight…getting on with it…Our own life, is the only way I know how to deal with that…remember you are always needed by you….after all we are all we have to count on…no one else…so get busy getting on with you!!! glad you didn’t stay down for long….another project will come along and you will handle the end better than this last time….what is wonderful is we learn to adapt as we go….and I was single for 13 years…I didn’t think I missed being in a relationship until I was back in one….yours will happen…until then you have all of us…LOL I know, I know what a great consolation price….LOL cheers…head up and onward…..HI HO Hi HO Kat

    Liked by 1 person

    • Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

      A good consolation indeed Kat. I have all of you wonderful people I can talk to and will get positive feedback and affirmation in return.
      That is the beauty of this site and why it works for so many of us.
      The one thing I know is that this feeling passes and therefore I should not hold too much store in it. I must continue with my life and as they say, when it is ready to happen, it will happen because lets face it, how the hell am I single….?!!!!!

      Like

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