So, Are You Going Anywhere Nice This Year…?

Hooray, hooray, it’s a holi holiday!

No, I haven’t suddenly become a hairdresser…although I wouldn’t mind being able to chatter like one! 😉

Fat people and travel.

We don’t really enjoy it that much if I’m honest.

We usually much prefer to go to Ourgate.

At the end of our gardens…!

No, in all reality, we do enjoy holidays just the same as the next man but trust me, when it comes to queuing to check in at the airport, queuing to get through security, having to remove shoes and belt etc then finally queuing to board a plane and sit in a chair that is too small, it loses it’s gloss somewhat. Add to that the fact that when we have to ask for a safety belt extension you can quite often see the colour drain from the face of the person you are sat next too as they fear the inevitable spillage of your ample size into their personal space.

It really is a most unenjoyable task for the travelling fat person let alone the poor soul sat next to them. Personally I nearly always try to get an aisle seat so I am at least only affecting one person but in leaving my arm and shoulder in the aisle I become target practise for the Air Stewards trolley dashes.

So we have taken off, been bashed with the trolley, upset our neighbour and given them something to moan about to their friends when they arrive home (thus further enabling the dislike of the obese), we land and the whole process starts again, queuing to get off of the plane, queuing to get through the new countries passport control and then queuing to collect your bag before you then leave the airport and queue for a cab to take you to your holiday destination by the seaside.

You get to your hotel, get changed into your holiday clothes and then start to perspire, a perspiration that continues very much all the way through the holiday until you are fortunate enough to find a building with air-conditioning which cools you down and then pretty much negates any reason you may have had for “going somewhere warm to relax and get a tan” Once again, you brave the weather but always wear a T shirt because you don’t want people to see how big you really are under that outsize sunscreen device, plus if you were to remove it, who would you get to apply the gallons of suntan lotion you would require to cover your ample frame? You can’t very well do it yourself because one of the biggest side effects of being obese is that you have restricted mobility, not an enjoyable way to spend your time I can guarantee you.

The only time you might truly relax is when you are on the privacy of your own balcony, safe from the prying eyes of those you would make you feel self conscious, or fully dressed when you go out for dinner at night. At least here, you are in your own domain, somewhere you are considered expert just because of your size, all wrong assumptions for sure but they happen none the less. Maybe as the fortnights holiday progresses you might relax a little and “get into the groove” a little more not feeling quite so self conscious but trust me, when you are approaching the end of the holiday, all the fun starts to ebb away as you begin to fixate on the return trip having to go through all of the same steps I recounted earlier in my story.

Finally home and in the comfort of your own domain, you can once again relax, after stretching the truth somewhat by telling friends that you had a wonderful time and yes you could thoroughly recommend it.

Now the above is only just the merest glance at the mind of this large person and how I felt each time I travelled but I am sure it relates very much to many other large people who holiday or even travel for business, but I can now say that because I am slimming down, I am once again looking forward to a holiday. Now it may not be this year, a lack of available cash and still being larger than I am comfortable with will restrict me for sure but I can see the day coming when I happily get ready to go on my holidays just like everyone else. I know I shall be smaller and I really hope that my loose skin isn’t too much of an issue (hopefully by continuing my exercise at the gym and my walking over the next year it should be kept to a minimum, well that and a little bit of luck that I must be due at some point) but I know I shall once again travel and get out in the sun, letting it warm my bones once more.

Until I am happy with this, I plan to stay in the relative closeness of my own country. Fortunately living in a country with such a rich history, there is plenty to see pretty much wherever you go. I plan on looking at some castles. I plan on taking a trip up the western isles of Scotland, I plan on going to Kielder forest, maybe even taking in the observatory so there is plenty available for me to do. I shall just pack up my car, collect my little pal Archie and head off into the sunset looking for great vistas for me and great smells for Archie. I might even manage some female company if I can get any to fall for my transparent overtures. You never know 😉

We shall see what the year brings but when I am asked by my hairdresser ‘So are you going anywhere nice this year?” I shall be able to tell them of all of the things I have planned and be happy to say I really look forward to doing them this year, before I jet off somewhere hot and exclusive next year without all of my usual associated worries.

Things are definitely looking up.

So where are you going on your holidays? Or like me do you struggle with the whole complication of travelling anywhere that requires a big old 747 or an Airbus?

‘Till tomorrow,

Stay out of the fridge.

4 thoughts on “So, Are You Going Anywhere Nice This Year…?

  1. Vicki McFall says:

    I caravan because the whole flight thing just makes me anxious. I love flying but at 5ft 2 and my weight being anywhere up to 20 stone in the last ten years I may as well have been 35 stone because that’s how you feel jammed into those seats:- uncomfortable , self conscious, sweaty …… The list goes on ….. And then the hostesses carrying the lap belt extender aloft down the length of the aircraft in case anyone missed how fat I was coming on the plane. I haven’t been on a fairground ride ever with my kids ( now aged 13 & 19) ….. Always terrified it breaks down and I end up stuck and on You’ve Been Framed with Harry Hill making a witty quip about fat bottomed girls 😞 So glad my life is changing since the sleeve x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    Absolutely so 100% behind everything you say there. Fat people are entertainment, ridiculous in this day and age. If it were disabled, or mentally handicapped, if it were race related or size related it wouldn’t even be news, but just because there’s a fatty stuck on a ride… Hilarious.
    I am so glad your life is coming back to you since the sleeve has been performed. I am so much more active myself and enjoying life so much more. Yes there are some issues but nothing happens overnight. I’ve been overweight for 15 years, those issues don’t just switch off, but one day….
    Good luck !


  3. coteetcampagne says:

    Holiday? I don’t get holidays
    WE spend our holidays wrestling with French hovels.

    I did go somewhere else in 2012 (Lanzagrotty, and by the isn’t) but only because it had been one of those years where you nearly lose the will to live
    Enjoy planning your UK break- Scotland is beautiful all over, if a bit midgey.

    Make sure you work on those chat-up lines after all you are a radio & tv personality now!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    I beg to differ, the seaside pad looks great, surely that must be on the cards for a enjoyable week away from the grind of hovel repair?
    I was thinking about the midges but I think there are repellants available now, alternately, there is always smoking… Yeuch!
    As for the ladies, TV and Radio might help, but not as much as actually talking to them… maybe I should try it some time…!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s