I’m Busy Doing Nothing

Wishing the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do. I’m busy going nowhere, isn’t it just a crime? I’d like to be unhappy but, I never do have the time.

Today I am filling in the hours between meals, well not really meals, I am filling in the time between hours, yet as I do, they seem to fly past and although I think I am constantly eating, I am obviously not. It’s a very peculiar thing to feel and do because as much as I watch the clock and wonder when it would be a decent time for me to have that next protein shake or yogurt (or whatever is next on the list) I don’t actually see the going of the time and although I don’t actually forget to eat I don’t actually  remember to either. Like I say, very peculiar. Maybe I am at sixes and sevens as the old saying goes. Maybe I am not really feeling myself, maybe I am still under the influence of anaesthetics or old habits. I don’t really know.

I know I definitely don’t like it.

I want to be in charge.

Over the day (as I have told you before) I am now required to partake in the consumption of so much fluid and so much protein in order I don’t dehydrate or suffer malnutrition; and although I have on occasion found myself thinking, if only for a second, about a burger and fries, it very soon passes and I choose the healthy option when at last I finally remember to actually take the foodstuffs on board. So why then does the junk food come into my psyche and not automatically the healthy option? The human mind is a very odd place to be I think, especially mine I’m sure. I have to ask myself, is it simply my default memory setting or is it actually something I make myself do by being in the situation?

Obviously through my day I sit and work on this blog and answer questions and comments, I talk to people and entertain myself but find there is still too much day left where there never used to be. I imagine being “housebound” isn’t helping to much either as it tends to leave me with so much time on my hands, the devil soon tries his best to make work for them although nothing has come up as yet… I like to walk the dog, that always passes some time, yet because of the stairs am leaving off of that for a few days yet. I like to prepare my food but not much preparation required for unscrewing a protein shake bottle! So it’s a continuation of idleness. It could be worse I suppose and these are such minor gripes that in the grand scheme of things bear no relevance to the rest of my life. I shall soon be over this period, I shall soon be mixing it up again but as ever, I want it now and I can’t!

Unfortunately, to fill some of this time, I have taken to looking at stuff on YouTube about my procedure and was amazed to see this film explaining it to anyone who wants to know, but do be careful, it is quite graphic. It is also amazing to think that this is exactly what they did to me. I was kind of worried about the staples working properly until I saw this video, so am now a little more at ease even though directly afterward I found the headline of ‘My Gastric Sleeve Surgery Failure”… so you just know I had to click on that didn’t I…!

Well fortunately the “failures” as such are not really failures as such that can be laid at the feet of the procedure. The medical profession expects that anyone who undergoes either VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy) or RNY (Roux – en – Y Gastric Bypass) to actually put about 10% of their body weight back on after they have reached their very bottom figure. It is by all accounts a standard thing to do as the body learns to cope with fewer calories and carbs and learns about storing any excesses. However, in some cases it is due to the fact that pain medication causes the body to crave carbohydrate foods and as such, these again take over the patients lifestyle choices so where they believe themselves to be “being good” and staying under the calorie threshold, they are in fact relying too heavily on carbohydrates as they had done before undergoing surgery.

Now fortunately this makes sense to me because I didn’t start piling on weight until I had damaged my back at the gym. I’ve been on a regimen of pain killers ever since and now begin to wonder if this has possibly been the catalyst to the particularly harsh weight gain causing me to over emphasise on carbohydrate rather than protein and vegetables. Well I suppose we will never really know and can only speculate BUT since this little stay in hospital I have not taken any of my pain medication since the morning of the surgery and although I currently have a few grievances with my body, I am managing at the same kind of levels as I did before, so for that answer, I guess we really just watch this space

Although it is quite an exciting turn of events.

Anyway, I am glad I’ve been trying to fill in this time I found on my hands and I am also glad for what I found out as it has certainly put my mind at rest. I wasn’t too sure how they had stapled my stomach shut but seeing the stapler in action, I am fairly certain I will be in good order for a few years yet. I was also worried I would have no choice of cravings and although I don’t expect to have them licked by any stretch of the imagination, I know that I could now have a head start on them by simply not being so reliant on pain meds.

Good news day then after all.

Oh, and by the way, this morning I was 139 kgs so three down since I had the surgery. They must have cut out a whole load of Cam to drop that kind of weight 😉

‘Till tomorrow,

The new shrinking WBFM.

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