So it’s here then people. By the time you are reading this I could well have been “under the knife” and be recovering on the ward, drinking a glass of water and leaking like a cartoon character shot full of bullet holes although I do hope not 😳! No, I hope to be dozing on my recovery bed and having had everything gone to plan with no extra issues for me to worry about apart from never eating the same way ever again.
Change is coming.
For those of you that might not know (I can’t think who…!) today I am undergoing a Gastric Sleeve operation at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford, England, U.K, so you will have to forgive me for the lack of details as in reality people, this hasn’t happened yet as I wrote this post over the course of yesterday and last night because I didn’t want anyone feeling worried about me and missing their daily dose of verbage created by yours truly (on a very small budget I shall have you know 💰)
But fear not! I am here helping to sooth you into the day ahead and simply to ask you be strong, all shall be well and I shall be writing lots more over the coming years for you to enjoy.
That was a bit presumptuous of me on so many levels wasn’t it! It is presuming that all will be well with today’s procedure (cripes I do hope so 😳) It is presuming that you, the reader are actually there and not grabbing the opportunity of a well earned days rest from my extensive library of utter nonsense. It also presumes that there is actually anyone reading this in the first place!
So, what can I expect? Well I reckon that after being welcomed by the Day Surgery Team, I shall very quickly be reduced to my skuddies and presented with a backless gown. After which there will be a nice shot of premedication then a trip on a trolley or maybe a bed with wheels, down the operating theatre where I shall be forced to imbibe some of the good stuff and I won’t remember a thing.
It doesn’t get better than that…!
After my operation, I shall be back on the ward in no time due to my superhuman powers of recovery and in between dozes and listening to iPod podcasts saved up especially for this moment I shall answer text messages from concerned investors whilst I slip in and out of unconsciousness and try to remember to use my CPAP machine before my snoring gets me expelled to the corridor on my own….
Well thats the plan anyway.
I am operated on today, I recover, sleep wake in the morning, am given something to drink, checked over and then released. Free to return home…
Home the next day? But I thought I was staying in hospital for at least a week after having three-quarters of my stomach removed. Surely I cannot be well enough to be getting sent home tomorrow? Well to be honest, I really do hope I am, after all, hospitals are full of sick people so it will be no place for me to be staying. And could you imagine my friends coming to see me at visiting times? I can absolutely guarantee that each one would bring a smorgasbord of goodies and then sit and eat them all in front of me, making sure to offer me one at every mouthful they took. I’m pretty sure I have written in the past about how supportive my friends are… haven’t I?!!
Anyway, going home the next day will suit me fine, as I plan on making an amazing recovery just as I did when I smashed my leg a couple of years ago. I know I will have to take it easy and promise that what happened last time will not happen again. You see, after being released from hospital with my leg in pieces, I think I managed three days of rest and recuperation before I was in front of my garage, laying on the floor fitting some new suspension bushes and brake lines to a car I was working on prior to the accident.
Well, things don’t repair themselves do they…😉
Honestly though, this time I think I will have to take it very seriously and get myself some hardcore relaxing done. I have been planning for my post surgery recovery and I will not be sat in front of this computer writing for 15 hours a day. No I shall keep it to a sensible couple of hours and only worry about dreaming up this kind of tripe for another award-winning blog post rather than expending energy on writing screenplays and novels. Unfortunately all too fascinating for me to put down once I start.
I have actually prepared for my recovery much better this time. I have been saving up programs on Sky Plus and iPlayer, on my computer and Netflix so I shall be well rested by the end of the marathon viewing sessions I have planned. Square eyed, but well rested! I just hope that everything goes according to plan and I am able to post a blog for you to read tomorrow about how I feel like a million dollars and am looking forward to returning home.
So here we go. Fingers crossed to cover my Friggatriskaidekaphobia 😉
Stay out of the fridge.