I believe the real quote is by James Thurber and actually goes along the lines of “One Martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough” but for my purposes I have chosen some of these words and adjusted them to make my own point… 😉
Over the last 7 weeks, the length of time I have been penning this daily blog (It’s incredible to think I have been writing each day since the 15th of Jan this year!) I would say I have pretty much opened up entirely and laid myself bare. I have been forced to look long and hard at myself and really come to terms with what kind of person I am and what makes me tick.
It could be said I am in some respects the black sheep of not only my family but also my group of friends. I had all of the potential and if i am honest, it could be said I let some of it waste. You could also say that I let myself waste by indulging a bit too readily and in doing so damaged myself. I am the only fat one in my relatively large group of friends (to my knowledge anyway…) and because every group of friends needs to have a fat one in there, I filled the roll generously. I think it’s all part of the friends balance charter, something to do with equal opportunities… 😉 This also begs another question, what is going to happen when I am once again slim? Shall I simply still be known as the fat one by virtue of the fact I once was? Or will there be interviews for a new fat friend? Maybe one of my friends may step up to the plate themselves and pile on the pounds in order to fill the post? Tough questions!
I am not someone filled with jealousy and avarice, I am honestly very happy with my lot and myself (okay, my future self…) all I am is a little lonely and I aim to fix that when the new me finally launches (see website for details!) I am also very happy for anyone I know to do well because I believe it reflects well on me being able to see that particular individual’s potential and know them to be ambitious and driven and not simply happy with sitting in a pub or sleeping on a park bench. It’s not all about me but I think you get my drift. I have several friends that have done well for themselves and I am pleased for them. I do at times question myself as to where I would have been if I had taken a different turn at a different point in my life but I regret nothing. Well almost nothing. Regret is on the whole futile and if things were to have happened differently then I would not be here now writing this blog. I may well have still been overweight but I am sure there would have been other differences and I would now not be chasing my dream of writing for a living.
The one thing I am sure of is my weight. I imagine in this environment (as in the countryside) I would always have marched down the portly road of weight gain because of how I appear to be with food and occasionally drink. As I said in the title “One is not enough and two is too many”. I can never just have a bacon roll, I would always have two. I could never have a couple of sausages, it would always be four. I was always happy with a plate of steak and chips with some peas but I would add extra chips before I added extra peas. It must be said that on occasion I must have taken my food intake to excess in order to get to the size I am today. I am what is known as a “Constant Craver” so am always grazing on food but never good food, always high fat, high carb or sugary treats was what I snacked on but it wasn’t enough that I had one packet of crisps, one chocolate bar or one can of fizzy drink. No, I always had to double up and have two of everything, sometimes three. I may have gotten away with it if I had restricted myself to just the one of each but I didn’t and doubling up the calories whilst living the sedentary lifestyle ended up having a profound effect. It may not have been so bad if I had restricted the food to the way I now restrict beer. I very seldom go to the pub but when I do, I can easily fall back into the fold of drinking all night proving again, that one drink wasn’t enough and two was too many because it caused me to lose that will power and stay in the pub instead of retiring home to have a sensible meal and an early night. It is almost as if my mind takes over without my knowledge and insures I suffer unconscious catastrophic thinking so assuming the damage is done, I continue until I can manage no more.
I honestly hope that one day I can think of the food in the same way as I treat booze and break the habit like I did with smoking and other health affecting past times. However, it will be difficult. At present I am looking at a holiday picture with a cold glass of lager in it and I am instantly drawn to thinking about how it would taste and how much I would enjoy it. This is simply because I have not had a glass of lager for a long while not because I am craving it. The same can be said when it comes to seeing images of my favourite food dishes. Again I hope I shall be able to resist the temptation but if not and I do succumb, I will no longer fulfil this statement but make a new one of my own where “One IS enough and Two really are TOO many”
Stay out of the fridge.