Something I sadly lack in massive quantities.
I start off with good intentions but they soon fall by the wayside.
In my defence though, I have never done the classic New Year resolution of “I will join the gym in the New Year and start to get fit” No, I have pretty much in the past always opted to keep eating and drinking through January, it always seemed rude not to.
Well this time round I am not heading toward a gym, well not yet at any rate although I did attend Pilates a couple of days ago and my stomach still hurts today; AND that was Pilates for Osteoarthritis so very gentle.
My god I’m out of shape!
No, this time I am heading as you all know to the Churchill hospital for Bariatric surgery. Again, as you probably already know, I am on a 800 calorie per day regime, which to be honest I am sticking to a whole lot better than I thought I would, in order to cleanse my liver prior to the operation. It also has the added benefit of a noticeable weight loss leading up to the big day. This is where the confusion starts for some people. They ask me “Are you sure you need an operation?” “If you can lose weight for the surgery, then surely you can lose weight without the surgery”
Well it’s not quite that simple.
The surgery is a tool that will help me lose the weight. It is a medical issue that makes you start to take care of yourself and put yourself first. It denies over eating. It takes away hunger pangs to the point where for the six to nine months, the patient literally has to force themselves to eat. Given that I am not actually wired the same as other people when it comes to food, I have what could be called a bit of an addiction but not for the healthy stuff. No, unfortunately for me I love the feeling that I get when I eat a plate of fries or a cheeseburger and with a normal size healthy stomach, it is all too easy to fall of the wagon and give in to this kind of temptation brought on by not having to consider the consequences of bad diet and preparation. As the saying goes “If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail”
A prime example of why the surgical option is better for my kind of personality than the simple diet, was made extremely apparent yesterday. I made the mistake of not having my porridge and blueberries before I left the house to walk the dog. I should have considered my requirements over both the person I was going to meet and the activity I was going to undertake. I should have made time for me. I decided instead to eat a yogurt as I was going out of the door, even though I was up in plenty of time and had been working on this blog and drinking tea.
My second mistake was ignoring my hunger when I came back from the walk. I needed petrol and as such found myself in an Marks and Spencer forecourt literally drooling at the shelves of fresh food. “No”! I thought I shall abstain, I had heard about something called Lentil Curl Crisps that were very low in fat and calories whilst being relatively good on Carbohydrates, so I thought I shall get me some of them 😉
Needless to say when I couldn’t find any, things started to go wrong. I picked up not only a packet of low-fat, low-calorie crisps and a small tub of mango slices, but a bag of jelly beans and some sour jelly sweets. On the way home, I ate the mango and the crisps. No problems, a bit naughty but the boat hadn’t yet sprung a leak, there was still time to avoid my metaphorical iceberg, but instead of avoiding I went headfirst into it and opened up the packet of sour sweets. Having eaten a few, I put the pack away and left it alone. Upon finally returning home I made a chicken salad and started to redeem myself but all afternoon there was guilt. So much in fact, yesterday evening I paid penance for the sweets in the shape of only eating some melon and grapes before I gave my molars the rest of the night off.
If you recall I have referred to a BBC program that identified what kind of person I was when it came to food. I was identified as a constant craver and as such finally understood why I want to eat pretty much all of the time. I find it difficult to eat three large meals per day, yet I have no problem in eating a mouthful of food every 15 or 20 minutes. This means I am effectively grazing throughout the day.
It is now a known fact that it can take between 30 and 90 days to break a habit and retrain your body to feel differently about new things. Well the surgery gives me nearly 300 days to “reset’ my eating habits by massively restricting the amount of food I can take in. Now once this time is up and the body has gotten itself back to what it considers normal, the brain automatically starts to believe that a ramekin size bowl of highly nutritious food is all that the body actually wants and thus continuity in weight loss for a serial dieter, is finally achieved.
So when it comes to willpower, I have enough to keep going through this three-week cleanse as long as I do not break my pattern and allow myself to ignore what is good for me.
Perhaps it might also help me learn to say no….
Stay out of the fridge.