I really do like my friends.
I am a very lucky person to have so many nice and supportive pals. They are interested in me, my inane thoughts and where my life is headed. Quite a nice thing to be able to say. No in fact its a great thing to be able to say.
But I honestly don’t see them enough and I know that is my own fault.
Since I have become overweight the thought of going out for a lunch or an evening get together has always appeared far more exciting and possible in the planning rather than the performing. I have let my friends down on many occasions. I have promised that I will meet them and at the last-minute not gone. I have made arrangements to see them in an hours time and still I don’t always turn up.
Well I think it is because I cannot motivate myself to go through with being outside. I have in previous posts written of how I have trouble with crowds or going anywhere on my own for the first time when the destination is an unknown quantity. I do not feel at ease with groups of people, even my friends, which is absolutely bloody crazy because they only have my best interests at heart.
On Saturday I went for a lunch at Cotes Brasserie in Oxford. Myself and some friends arrived earlier than the planned 13.30 that the table was booked for as we had to be in place and ready to shout “Surprise!” when the guest of honour, a pal on his 50th birthday, came through the door. I was surrounded by friends yet still feel uneasy waiting for more friends to turn up. I sat there unable to really relax. Okay I wasn’t drinking but that should not have any bearing on the situation as we had only just arrived and I am sure a mouthful of beer would not have made any difference to my confidence either way. However, once the birthday boy and his entourage had arrived, or greetings were all issued with genuine affection I had hoped that my tenseness would abate, which it did slowly. However, it still became apparent that I was a little off colour regarding my confidence so my friends duly involved me in conversations, asked me to join them at their end of the table and above all, asked if I was okay.
This is the typical behaviour of good friends. You may not see them for months on end, you may see them every weekend, but you always fall in easily and strike up conversations as though no time has passed. They forget the fact the last time they saw you, you may not have covered yourself in glory due to alcohol because mostly they are pleased to see you now and are supportive of you now. Like I say, I am lucky to have many friends who fit this bill.
I am mostly looking forward to sharing my new-found confidence with my friends once I have mastered my weight loss lifestyle. It will certainly be difficult for a while as there will be limited alcohol involved but, hopefully as I shrink my body I will grow my confidence. As I have said, amazingly enough, this here big hunk ‘O love is actually single and as I wrote last week on Valentines Day, I do at times wish I had a significant other, however, the opposite is also true, sometimes I am glad I don’t because it means I can please myself and go out with girlfriends without any guilt. By girlfriends, I mean girls that are friends where there is no romantic agenda. We can keep each other company and talk about anything and everything.
My friends are very supportive of what I am doing at the moment as they too want only the best for me. Whether these friends are ones in my phonebook, my Facebook or simply faces I just see from time to time, they are always to a fault, supportive and I cannot thank them enough.
This is something that I try to remind myself of when I am feeling down. This would in the past happen a good deal but nowadays only once in a blue moon and I am sure I know why. I am no longer drinking and I am watching what I eat. We all know booze is a depressant but poor food choices can leave you mentally low. I am positive that bread causes a skin complaint on my knuckles so there is no doubt when I am eating all sorts of other crap, it is going to affect my psyche. Today however, I only have to look around me and then I start to question why I should be so miserable. I have a roof over my head, a loving and supportive family, a car to get me about and I have my friends whom I can contact at anytime for a little pick me up of kind words. This even includes a pal who although sometimes drives me round the bend (like yesterday) I really do appreciate his company when he isn’t letting his mouth run away with him, saying silly or nasty things. To be fair this only happens once in a blue moon so I and other friends put up with it in order to enjoy his friendship although only because when he is a good guy, he’s a kind and considerate pal without agenda or bile. We all have issues so we all let them slide, after all, I’m no paragon of virtue 😉
On a really great note about how amazing my pals are, one of them announced yesterday that he would even do my 800 calorie a day diet for my pre operation liver cleanse. I asked him why and he told me moral support. He would help me with my food choices and keep me exercising as much as he could. Being an Ironman competitor he is very tuned into nutrition and shedding pounds so I am glad to have his help because I am beginning to worry about the diet and not being able to adhere to its requirements. Lets face it, the last thing I want to happen once on the operating table after the anaesthetist has “put me to sleep”, is the surgeon opening me up and then deciding not to go ahead with the surgery as he realises my liver is too big because I haven’t completed the diet!
Not good form!
I’ll tell you what is good form though, one of my girlfriends asking me to go round anytime if I am bored between now and the operation date and another telling me we were going to Costa for a skinny latte as there is no way we were going to the pub to put temptation in our way.
Friends eh, who’d have ’em?
Stay out of the fridge.