Two Ronnies, Yesterday.

‘Ere I Want A Word With You!

The Weight Loss Cure They Don’t Want You to Know About.

It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it – “They “don’t want people to know about a weight loss system. Forget about the fact that if it really did work and really did exist it could save the NHS millions and millions of pounds and save peoples lives into the bargain.

Did you ever stop to wonder who “they” are?

No? Me neither.

Then I was suckered and now I do.

But where could we start? The big problem being “they” probably don’t want you to know who “they” are.

We are definitely up against it here.

So we have no idea what this Weight Loss Cure is or who has it. A real pancake of a conundrum if ever there was one I should say.

But! And luckily there is a but, there just happens to be a link to a page that will tell you all about it; And when you get there? Well let’s just say there will be several other links to follow before they tell you about all of the celebrities who lost three stone in a day and all they did was take these two little pills…..

Okay, so now we’ve established it’s the land of Celebrity that don’t want us mere mortals to know about their secret weight loss pills. We must be very fortunate then to have stumbled across this website that is willing to tell us all about it. What a stroke of luck that is. It even let’s us read about how Kim Kardashian and Cheryl Cole did nothing but take the two pills recommended by this “article” and it resulted in them losing nearly 4 stone between them in a month. It must be true if it’s in this “article” in that well-known woman’s magazine, I’m sure I’ve heard of it before, positive.

Wrong!

I know I’m hardly a paragon of virtue when it comes to weight and I freely admit that even I looked into this. Sounding far to good to be true because it is far to good to be true, you would never expect a cynic such as me to buy…. But I did. What a complete sucker. I signed up for that magic pill. I signed up for the free samples that come in a plain box for privacy and paid the small amount to cover the postage….
Fortunately when it arrived, I did some real investigation and then made a call to my bank and asked them to cancel the agreement etc and refund the money. I was doubtful when I rang. The pill pushers had my pants down fair and square but no the bank were great, they dealt with it without fuss, cancelled all and refunded all. I can only assume that this type of enquiry must an all too regular occurrence because the bank agreed immediately. If I’m honest, the call centre even has its own option on the key pad to select “I’ve been suckered in to buying a pill to lose weight, can I have my money back please”

As I said the pills had arrived and even though I had cancelled I never received the half expected request for everything to be returned. This told me exactly what I needed to know about the value of these products.

It was a big fat Zero.

Worthless to them for return so why not investigate taking them myself?

After checking the ingredients and googling them I wasn’t particularly shocked by what I found. The one tablet (obviously remaining nameless but rhymes with arse berry me phones) had very little in it apart from elements of the fruit that were clinically proven to:

  1. Reduce fatty tissue, especially liver fat stores
  2. Reduce bodyweight by speeding up the processing of fat.

When I say clinically proven I mean they had tested six small mice in Japan.

In 2005

They had never proven it on humans to do anything apart from in some cases act as a stimulant causing the subject palpitations and only slightly subduing the hunger.

The next tablet was even more straight forward. It calls itself a cleanse. It is simply this because it is a laxative made up of among other things Psyllium Husk, a readily available all natural ingredient to help you go to the smallest room in the house.

All in all not very inspiring. But those Celebrities I hear you cry. Well……

It gets better. We all know that this stuff is so fake it is hard to fathom how we fall for it but you type in the search word to Google and before you know it you are reading about the celebrities who have taken the pills and swear by it. Now look a little closer and really see it. The page they made to “discuss” it is fantastic. Women’s Health Now is a genuine looking article that has links at the top for different discussions – these do not work, likes and tweets at the side – also fake and then when you think I will just see what the video report links on the right of the page say, it takes you straight to their sales page.

If anyone at all on planet earth has lost weight with these two things, I can guarantee it’s because it says it works only with a healthy balanced calorie controlled diet and they kept taking the laxatives to help with keeping everything in motion.

After years of carrying around the kind of weight that would shame a baby hippo, it’s no wonder that people like myself will look toward a pill to solve things. But they don’t exist. Anywhere. Losing weight is the exact opposite of putting it on. Do nothing and eat crap and you will put weight on, be active and eat sensibly and you will lose weight. It’s just a shame we can never stop ourselves from giving it one last go to see if they really have found “That One Little Pill”

Even the weight loss surgery I am about to undergo requires a massive amount of commitment after magic is completed in the operating theatre. I expect to have to re learn everything as I have said before, but I finally do know that “Just this one little pill” will never work. No wonder it was banned for sale in the UK in 2014.

There are only two Raspberries we should ever consider taking into out homes. The one you add cream and meringue to and the one that gets blown in the Two Ronnies.

‘Till tomorrow,

Stay out of the fridge.

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