Time waits for no man.
But it is now time enough.
Today is the proper start to this blog I have created over the past couple of weeks. Today I must start to create a daily blog that will be entertaining and helpful to anyone who isn’t me.
Tall order I reckon. After all, I am just average overweight Joe with a fairly unexciting life, so what will I write that will make anyone else want to take time from their busy day to stop and read what I might have to say?
Tough one I reckon. Well for me anyway.
So I suppose all we do is kick off. In my title I said it would be simple musings but now I am at this point where I can no longer hide from writing from the heart, honest truths are pretty much what spring to mind today.
It is only seven days until I am back at OCDEM in the Bariatric Clinic and I know I haven’t lost anywhere near enough weight to get them to agree to put me on the eighteen week list. I mean, I’ve tried and tried but it really is hard to lose weight when I think about food all of the time. Well, when I say all of the time, I mainly mean the evening time, but trust me it can hit ant any point in the day.
My day usually begins between 6.30 and 7am. I get up, go straight to the kitchen and put the kettle on only pausing to turn the heating on in the winter time. My main priority is the kettle and the cup of loveliness it will make me.
Tea, best drink of the day.
Whilst the kettle boils, I dress, turn on my computer and prepare the cup and tea bag. Eventually I am holding a cup of steaming hot tea and headed for the office. Once neatly ensconced in front of my screen, I do not think about food but more about the fact that level in my mug is going down at such an alarming rate, there must surely be a hole in it. In no time at all I am up again and back at the kettle, getting myself another fix.
I suppose I have learnt this habit over many years of having to take my meds including most importantly my pain killers first thing in the morning so I am able to function, i.e., walk, sit, stand, you know, difficult stuff like that.
Now you see, during all of this time, I do not once think about food, just tea and with 1% milk and a Stevia sugar replacement, it is virtually fat and calorie free so hey, I should fill my boots as due to a certain amount nausea and dehydration caused by the tablets, my thoughts don’t turn to breakfast until at least 9am, maybe even later. When they do, I simply make myself some porridge, or some scrambled eggs with a little salmon to boot. Anyway, regardless of what it is, it is light, low in calorie, very low in fat and not bad for me. As the day progresses one of two things happen, either it gets harder to stop thinking about food, or I don’t give it a second thought. The latter generally happens when I am totally absorbed in a project and not actually thinking about food. On these occasions I can get by with either not stopping at all or having an apple and one of my tasty protein shakes as recommended by the hospital, then it’s straight back to it. However, on the other days, well these ones are tough. It almost becomes a fixation for me. I will have my breakfast and then at late morning, a cup of coffee and maybe one of these natural biscuit bar things, maybe nothing but an apple but there is always something on these days.
After a while, I will start to think about my lunch and what I can have. Now in the past, it would have been simple, fill myself up with bread so sandwiches or soup and rolls etc. It’s not so easy these days as it’s a bread free zone round these parts, in actual fact, it has been easier to stop eating bread than to stop thinking about eating food all of the time! Anyway, lunch comes and goes and I will scavenge through my fridge to see what is available in a light, wholesome low-calorie etc easy to prepare and tasty to eat kind of way.
So lunch eaten and it’s time to start thinking about food again. Weird Huh? Maybe I will get a respite for an hour or so, but it starts and I spend my time fighting the desire for food until I can realistically start preparing my evening meal as once done, I know then, I won’t get so hungry as to get to the point that I start fantasising about take aways and all other manner of bad foods. Food prepared and its time for an apple or a cuppa and a biscuit or anything just to delay the hunger. You see I don’t want to eat my meal to early, I want it to last and to fill me up enough so I’m not tearing through the fridge minutes after it’s all finished. I try to temper my eating rate, concentrate on the food I eat and literally try not to simply inhale and hoover up my plate in no time!
All easier said than done because no matter how long I take to eat, as soon as it’s finished, I’m thinking ‘Okay, just wait a minute, there is fruit and yogurt in the fridge, leave it for a while and you’ll enjoy it all the more’. Now I know this is just a ploy to try to keep me filled up for longer but it never seems to work. In no time I have eaten my fruit and yogurt and am thinking about a cup of tea and a biscuit.
Just calm down, have it a bit later and although I do wait and I do have it a bit later, I almost feel like I am a caged animal pacing around the apartment trying to keep my mind off of this thing called food.
To be honest, it was all a bit upsetting going through that pretty much each day. I honestly felt as if there was something wrong with me, that no one should want food ALL of the time when nothing else was going on.
Then I watched a program by Horizon on BBC2. It was a huge experiment with people with eating issues (and I don’t mean the under eating type) called What’s The Right Diet For You? and since then, I reckon things may have gotten better. It has only been a couple of days but watching the program made me realise that I am what is called a Constant Craver, and I am NOT alone.
So I’m not just plain old greedy guts?
Oh that won’t go down well with the neigh sayers and the Kate Hopkins of this world. Surely it has to be easier for people to label me as lazy and fat and useless and greedy and and and, rather than think there may be an actual physical reason, that there may be an actual recognised problem that prevents my body from understanding the signals to do with food and appetite.
Now I’m not going to cling on to this as an excuse but I am going to use the findings in such a way as they might help me battle the day-to-day challenges of being a Constant Craver.
Stay out of the fridge.